have you ever..

.. had something on your mind, and you want to write it down somewhere, or say it out loud.. but have no idea how to or exactly what it is you need/want to say? Where you feel completely frustrated and tired of feeling like it.. wanting to sort it out, but actually the truth is, you can't actually be bothered to do anything?
If your answer is yes, well I have sympathy for you, 'cos I feel the exact same right at this moment.

4 Months

Today we've been going out for 4 months and engaged a month and 2 days :)
I love you soo much! I get really excited when it's one of our anniversaries! Even when they aren't proper ones, well I suppose they are really. You get what I mean!
These have honestly been the happiest months of my life, my dreams have really come true.. and it's all thanks to you.
My hearts completely yours, here, now and forever.
x

Engagement Party

Our engagement party.

It was a lovely night, had a meal with immediate family and really close friends. I really enjoyed myself. A start to a perfect life. I have you. I get to keep you. I rather love it all.

First Love

Only the other day I was listening to the radio. A topic that I take great curiosity came up, ‘love’. They were talking about how love really changes your life. Your first love takes priority in this massive change. A first love, mainly transforms everything, your whole life takes a twist. Priorities of the heart completely turn upside down. All emotions felt 10x stronger than anything else you’ll experience. It confuses everything you’ve ever known, and changes your perspective on everything in the future. You’re never really able to run away from the fact you’re in love. You’ll always remember that one person you completely fell for. You won’t ever forget that moment, saying to yourself ‘I’ve fallen, completely and utterly in love with this person’. All the times they got stuck in your head, the hours of daydreaming and hoping.

Unless you stayed with your first love, it always kind of ends badly. Even if you don’t plan it too, it will because them emotions and thoughts are new, and won’t have the experience of how to deal with them. It will never work.

(L)

'Everyone says that love hurts, but that's not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Loosing someone hurts. Everyone confuse these things with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes us feel wonderful again.'

I found this quote, and simply fell in love with it. It's so true. But we don't see it, when we're in pain. When we're in 'love' with someone.

Quote#'

'Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love..'

Oh, you're a one!

You do make me laugh. So much.
It's not that you've said anything particularly funny. Just the way you imply things. Things that you don't normally say or do. You amuse me in ways you don't even know!

You're claiming you're nearly drunk, getting past the point. Yet your texts are perfectly written.. It's not that I don't believe you, just the idea honestly amuses me.
You're claiming you're going out for a night on the town, with the 'lads'. It's just the way you say it, I know how you speak of things. I can imagine you standing in front of me saying it, and with me bursting out laughing. Then you follow on, knowing how hilarious it really sounds.
You just make me laugh, my love.

I love how you say you're going out and you're busy, yet text me nearly all night straight, just the same as any other night. How you mention that you're sorry if you don't text me back, cos you're out, but you're texting me like you're doing nothing? You do make me smile.
It's completely fine for you to go out, I tell you to enjoy yourself and have fun; but just as much as me, you don't really want to go and not text, because it seems weird to not be. I know exactly how you feel, my love.
I honestly love you.

the way I feel,

I crave for you to come back. I miss your smell, I miss your touch, I miss your voice, your stuff on my floor.. I miss you.
So now I cry, and tomorrow the pretending begins once again.

Pretending

I've been feeling like doing some Creative Writing, here is a random starting. (the next few posts may be the same.)

In that split second, I change my face, revealing a mask. I watch you leave, knowing you’re going once again. I have to pretend I’m alright, I have to turn around and walk away, pretending. Pretending its fine, I’m ok.
The only thing that makes it bearable is knowing you’re going to be coming back – back to me. Coming back one day, for forever and a day.

My Engagement Ring

This is my Engagement Ring :)

Sorry it's taken a while to get the pictures up!

quote;

'There's a breath i'm missing, when you're not here..'

the truth.

It never gets easier. It never goes away. I always feel the same, every time. I don't like it.
Neither of us do.

I do wish you didn't have to go.


Oh well, there's no use moaning.
At least it's my birthday, and our engagement party next week! I'll get to see you then, and get to be with you :) so, like you say, there is always something for us to look forward too.

SERIOUSLY!

Ok this is going to be a rant.
seriously, how long does it take to decide you're coming or not? can't you simply check on if you're doing something that day and say a simple yes or no..? why do people find it sooo difficult!? surely you can check a calendar, diary.. your brain, and see? I only need to know a yes or a no, because if you don't, i have to pay for them people that never told me! I'm not made of money.. so I do need to know!
I hate feeling like I have to nag. I don't want to get stressy with people, I simply just want an answer so I can book and get it over and done with. I just want a evening out with my fiancé, family and close friends.. is that so difficult to ask for? I actually want to enjoy it. I don't want to get annoyed and eventually cross people off a list, I want you ALL there, but only if you're going to co-operate with me.. so please, will you simply help me, and state, a yes or a no?

Do you ever..

feel like you're having to make a choice? Something where you don't know what to choose? Knowing what you want, and what others would want?.. Ever get to a point where things will rapidly burst if you don't do something about it?

I'm starting to feel like this. It's like i'm not really all there anymore. It is technically going to be my fault, but in all fairness, it does and doesn't bother me. I'll just keep holding on and see which way I can make it go. I love them all.
Just don't ever make me choose, please.