So, I've come to do a little update which will probably turn into a rant, but I've been really busy - I'm trying to set up my own company and it's taking so much of my time that I haven't really been in touch with most of my friends - but I'm sure they understand - (and i'll get back to loving them at a later date). so I've been locked in the house, out the house and well it's been pretty mental, least to say.
It's just that I kinda came to a point in my life where, I am happy, but, there's something missing, y'know? I've got everything I've always in a way, dreamt of.. I always wanted kids, a husband.. but in the last couple of years i've thrown myself into being a wife and mother that when I take time out, I suppose I forgot who I am and what I wanted. It upsets me to think about it, but it's the truth, I've neglected my dreams and hopes for my family, which i'll never regret but, now, I feel it's time for me. So really I've been working on something that I have much determination and so much will to put towards it, and it's proving to be successful at the moment.
I realised that because I had taken a step back that, I suppose I notice there being something missing in myself and my passion for life. Until I found it, and it's made me a better person, I'm sure of it. So I'm not actually sure what I'm saying but it's a ramble, but I hope you can relate or understand..
So because I've been busy, I decided to come on the internet and have a 'night off' essentially to just catch up on people and chill out.. but I started speaking to a old friend, and well I suppose everyone has a friend or someone they know that try and make it out that their life is the best, and sometimes get the feeling 'better than yours' in an over too obvious way? (get me?). So I start talking to this friend and she's like 'Oh, I love my daughter so much, I'm so proud of her. I can't believe she's so pretty. Loads of people have made comments on how beautiful her eyes and smile are.. she's so spoilt and loved'
And, then it's like... what do I say to that? Okay.. sounds great, I'm so pleased about that.. well done? I suppose it annoys me when people try and act like they're better or got something better going on, it's like they're trying to say something about you! Almost like they want you to doubt yourself, but I don't, I love my son and he means everything to me, my heart would be broken if anything happened to him, and that I love how talkative, carefree, happy and determined he is. but, because I don't declare it everytime I speak to someone, somehow he means less to me, than everything else going on in my life? I sometimes think I let things get to me, but, sometime I think people speak too much. what's happened to a world where it's all equal? Where you don't have to worry about what anyone thinks? Where you should be strong enough to stand up on your own? Where you could actually just be happy, without worrying?
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