blergh.

I'm guessing i'm not the only person in the world to feel like this. I mean even I hardly feel like it, but I do.
 I kinda miss my freedom, I miss being able to just do my own stuff.. not owing time to anyone or anything. I know it sounds stupid, 'cos I'm so lucky in life, I have people who genuinely care and love me. I have some of the best friends anyone could ask for, I have my own place, a beautiful son and loving husband.. the start of my own business. I suppose I just miss being spontaneous and just doing what I like, when I like. It sounds incredibly selfish doesn't it? I'm sorry it isn't meant to, at all, I just guess I miss being .. I don't even know.
 I suppose I miss what could've been? Does that make sense? I reckon that's what I miss. Like when me and chris went away, I was looking around this shop, it had lots of little arty bits and I came across something that really took my eye, it was the most simple, but colourful design on a pencil case and I just loved it. I loved everything this person had done.. Then I read about this person (as there were a blurb) and she had studied at the same University I started studying at, and done a course that I was initially interested in, and was in awe - simply because it was like what I wanted. I liked her designs and I liked what she has then achieved. I kinda in a way, wanted to be her. I know this sounds like waffle, but I suppose I wish I could act my age again.
My friends are all completely different. I envy the single ones and the dating ones, I envy the ones with jobs and cars - going out and going on holiday; having money to spend. But I feel safe with the ones who have kids and married, settled down, because they're like me. I find it hard to be around the single ones, probably because it's hard to keep up and go out and spend the money, so in fact I kinda get left behind from them a little and lean back to the ones like myself. I'm not going to say i'm unhappy because i'm not, far from it, my life is busy and there's always something to do and is fulfilled with laughs and happiness. I like my life very much, I just sometimes wish I could get that feeling of being free back at times and a sense of achievement.