before you've gone..

No matter how much time you have to think it over, it doesn’t seem to get easier.. I don’t think it will either.. There will be a time when I’ll try and forget it, but, it’ll still linger subconsciously in the back of my mind. I know I’ll have to get used to it, move along with it and manage it somehow, but I don’t know how to, at the moment, stand the thought of loosing you. Knowing in 12 months from now, I won’t see your face for 4 months. It’s an unbearable thought, and strangely, I’m missing you before you’ve left.
How will I cope? How will I manage to get on with the bores of everyday life? Ok, I’ll get a phone call and messages from you, but, it really won’t be the same. I won’t get to touch your skin, laugh with you and watch you pull the cutest of faces or be able to get close to you, feel your breath, feel your lips on mine. I will miss it all too much, but I know you have to leave. I know you must do your duty. Doesn’t mean I like it though, doesn’t mean you like it either, neither of us do, but it’ll put our love to the test, I suppose if nothing else. I’ll only loose you to have you back again, and that time, forever more. I know you won't 'leave' me in that sense, but physically leave me alone for what will feel like an eternity. The only thing that’s helping me at the moment is the knowing you’ll be off work for a month and therefore I’ll get to see you for the majority of that time off but.. I just don’t want to you go. I know I sound selfish, probably, but, I don't like having to wait when it comes to you, I don't like waiting to see you, or hear from you. I already know what it'll be like once you go, everything will become a blur.. although everything else will continue and so will my life, because time doesn't stop for anyone, not even for me and you, we both know that as time whizzes past us. Nothing will make sense, apart from my love for you, that won't change over time, I promise.
I know it’s so far in the future, but I know it’ll come around like its tomorrow. All I can do, is wait for your return.. before you’ve gone.