Once Upon a Time

Been so close to someone, that it was your own personal definition of perfection? Feelings so strong it overtook your heart? Ever looked up at the sky and think, 'why are you doing this to me?' Thinking crazy stuff like 'Do i deserve this?.. What have i done to deserve this?!'
Yet over months, years you try and convince yourself it's not really that way. That you haven't really actually fallen for them.
Looking back on events, it hurts the insides, wondering where it all went wrong, you know, yet you don't. All you can think of is getting back. "But how?" Worry fills your mind, worrying that nothing will ever be right again, that you're not strong enough to move on, or to stay. Wanting to get rid of the pain and consumption, yet wanting to there more than anything. What can you do? Scream, run away? Will any of them things actually help anything at all? It sounds so simple to just move along and go, but, how can you physically give up on one of the most special things in your life?
They say the past should stay there, and only there. How can you, when it drags your body over to the present moment,when it absorbs you and controls the present feelings?
Trying to move on, stuck.
Move the mind along to something new, stuck.
Hoping something will save you, stuck.
It means everything, but you have to reconsider, what does it really bring you? What do you really learn from the situation?
Looking at you melts all my doubts, talking one evening, spending time like we used to, before it went wrong, it goes to perfection, and then one thing ruins it all, or my feeling inside. I feel I've mastered my poker face, showing only what you want to see, and that feels semi-comfortable to speak aobut. Do you notice this? No, they smile back. I say mastered, it's probably only too easy to comprehend. I feel stupid, yet two years on i feel no different. Small doubts and thought of way too many things, negative and positive, but, i still have that one big fat feeling of 'stupidly in love' - will i really ever get out of this feeling?
It'll never be known that maybe you may, however small the feeling that you, may possibly feel a teeny bit the same? Maybe i'm just kidding myself till one day your action proves that you don't. Maybe we will really go back to friendship, yet at the moment, i can't find that day, either way, i hope i get out of my misery one day or another. I miss it.
I say things over and over. Deep down i just know we will never go back to how we was, because only too much has happened, and the happenings, hcnaged us and the view of everything we do together. We doubt. Just doubt.
I have to say, you'll never find someone who loves you as much as I love you. Who values your friendship as much as I. As i said, i have a high regard for you, not that you know.